So, at about 4ish today, before I took my nap, and then at about 8ish, after I took my nap (I’m Christianing my Spring Break, you see), I thought about how I still needed to write my Slice of Life for the day — and I felt a lump of dread form in my stomach, as though I swallowed a lump of raw dough whole.
Not the kind of thing I wanted to feel on this, my second year of completing the challenge.
I’d already noticed a lot of my little SOL friends from last year are missing, I lamented the fact that I hardly see them blogging, and, of course, I wondered what my fate might me. Do I give up, too?
I just wasn’t feeling the fire. It’s been creeping up on me this week, especially with Life. And then Life. And more Life.
I decided to go in for an adjustment.
I didn’t quite write about this yet, because it was against my self-imposed “rules” — I hadn’t written about it in my Notebook for the idea to make it to my blog — BUT — here, I’m going to tell you now what I should have said at the beginning of this paragraph:
My plan was to really use my Notebook as a launchpad for all of my entries this year.
The experiment didn’t fail, I just need to tweak it. I think that’s a trait of good writers to notice what’s working for them — or not — and to allow themselves the freedom and flexibility to adjust as they see fit. Do whatever you can to NOT kill the Writing Spirit. .. because everything else in Life tries to smush it enough, I think. Don’t you do it yourself. Don’t allow mission-kill to creep in. Do whatever you can to feed the fire, sustain the muse, even if it means abandoning plans and slowly modifying habits.
So… here I am absolutely free-writing on my blog, as I did last year.
Issues I observed with blogging were:
- I didn’t reread my stuff much
- I didn’t revise
- I waited last minute A LOT to post (hitting the 11:59 was very common for me)
- I rushed with ideas and just dumped
- Whatever writerly habits I developed online didn’t seem to translate to what I wanted to accomplish in my Notebook or in my real life writing.
Greatest success I experienced was: forcing myself to address my own mind during a time in the school year that would have demanded I abandoned myself, my mind, my writing. A 30-day commitment is a big deal.
Those observations were what led me to use my Notebook as a bridge.. to extend the thoughtfulness and the time thinking and preparing for each post. To be more involved and mindful.
I just don’t have the time. Not as much as I would want. I’m raising a family, we have kids attending 3 different schools (university, middle and primary) — we rise early for commutes into the city. So, yeah.. it’s tough to find time to be thoughtful in the Notebook to bridge that thinking to here.
What’s my plan now?
To just do whatever I feel like doing. If I want to spit on a page online (like this), then I will. I will continue to be thoughtful about writing in my Notebook and bridging it to here, because that’s something I really, really want to do — I just need to be more intentional about carving out that time. I really want to allow myself to be free and unafraid of writing on the computer (which is probably what allllll this is about.. isn’t it curious how we get the point at the end of the page?). I will work on going back and rereading my stuff that I type online. Or not. I’m among friends and colleagues. What have I to fear? Being chucked in jail? Death? Bah.
It’s just little ole me being me.
Hopefully — and I’m sensing this, look at how much I wrote — I will write more online during this year’s challenge, post beyond the SOL postings.
I won’t know until I try. 🙂