I Want This to End – SOL Day 29

So I pull up the twowritingteachers.wordpress.com site to get it ready for my comment listing this blog post.  My first reaction when I read “Day X” is a repeat:  I wish this would end.

So, so many conflicting reasons.. I’m a mix.  Can I sort it out?  Let me name the ways..

  1. I’m tired of outside pressure to write.  This is hesitancy.   I’ve accepted this challenge, but I’ve projected my own disappointment in not being able to write the way I envisioned I’d write.  Maybe it’s because I want to impress other people.  Instead of just writing for myself.. instead of writing for myself..
  2.  Seeing myself as disappointed is difficult.  I should be happy I’m writing everyday.  Small steps.  I don’t know if I’m doing “better” than I had been last month, a year ago.. I’ve evolved.  And I think I can name that evolving as a writer.  If I can name my writerly evolving-ness, doesn’t that make me a writer?  Am I a writer?
  3. I’m tired of outside pressure to write.  I need to develop this habit for myself.  Myself, myself, myself.  Everyday, 30 minutes start.  Do it!!  .. Please.
  4. I’m tired of seeing, creating and supporting my own roadblocks.  If I were my own student and heard myself pining for Oh, this time to write, I wish, I wish, I wish… What on earth would I say?  Sympathize the first time, objectify the second, throw them out of my office the third time.. no wonder I’m losing patience with myself!
  5. I need to find purpose.  Time to go into my notebook and do some soul-searching.

Tomorrow, I think I’ll come back and blog without having the SOL-connection.  Just blog.  Maybe 3 times.. see where that goes..

I’ll tell you this, though.  I do love the process of discovery..

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2 thoughts on “I Want This to End – SOL Day 29

  1. I too struggle with my writing. What to write and time to write, hence the late night barely in time posts. Sometimes I’m sure I view it like my students do their homework, with dread and as a chore. Usually, though, after, I feel good about having done so again. A few times I’ve panicked that I forgot and what time is it? But still I got in my post for the day. What I worry about is after this challenge what will become of my writing? Shall I again fall prey to those roadblocks you spoke of? Right now I’m glad of the outside pressure, and am looking forward to and dreading that pressure leaving.
    As for are you a writer, of course you are. Writing makes it so. At least that’s how I feel. Also we are always our own worse critics. Some things I wrote that I thought were mediocre received praise that tickled me pink. Others pointed out what they liked and made me see it in a different light. Before I post, I go through it again and again but time ticks by and having to post gets me to stop with the nitpicking and let it go into the ether for better or worse.
    Keep discovering, chica!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like your discoveries .. and thanks for the insight. True that we sort of have no control over how people will perceive our stuff.. (on mediocre, ppl helping you see in a different light) .. I go back and forth.. write/revise.. oh, geez, I should just let it go. I am absolutely NOT this possessed over anything in my life, I’m laid back. I really just have to live in the moment, get spiritual with my writing, write, get a feel and kiss it goodbye! Thank you for this — I WILL keep discovering! That was my buzz word in the classroom today!! 🙂

      Like

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