So I pull up the twowritingteachers.wordpress.com site to get it ready for my comment listing this blog post. My first reaction when I read “Day X” is a repeat: I wish this would end.
So, so many conflicting reasons.. I’m a mix. Can I sort it out? Let me name the ways..
- I’m tired of outside pressure to write. This is hesitancy. I’ve accepted this challenge, but I’ve projected my own disappointment in not being able to write the way I envisioned I’d write. Maybe it’s because I want to impress other people. Instead of just writing for myself.. instead of writing for myself..
- Seeing myself as disappointed is difficult. I should be happy I’m writing everyday. Small steps. I don’t know if I’m doing “better” than I had been last month, a year ago.. I’ve evolved. And I think I can name that evolving as a writer. If I can name my writerly evolving-ness, doesn’t that make me a writer? Am I a writer?
- I’m tired of outside pressure to write. I need to develop this habit for myself. Myself, myself, myself. Everyday, 30 minutes start. Do it!! .. Please.
- I’m tired of seeing, creating and supporting my own roadblocks. If I were my own student and heard myself pining for Oh, this time to write, I wish, I wish, I wish… What on earth would I say? Sympathize the first time, objectify the second, throw them out of my office the third time.. no wonder I’m losing patience with myself!
- I need to find purpose. Time to go into my notebook and do some soul-searching.
Tomorrow, I think I’ll come back and blog without having the SOL-connection. Just blog. Maybe 3 times.. see where that goes..
I’ll tell you this, though. I do love the process of discovery..